Impressionable

I always used to laugh at commentators who would bleat on when a player makes a tit of himself on the pitch.

“(Drogba/Ballack/Ronaldo...) is a role model to millions of kids. They’ll all be doing that in the schoolyard tomorrow. Oh the shame. Young minds corrupted. The end is nigh. Farewell cruel world...”

And so on.

But on Monday night, during the five-a-side in Dunshauglin, it finally struck me that these preachers of all that is decent were right all along.

I took a tumble. No penalty.

So I flopped on the ground, rolled around, got up and chased poor Brendan halfway up the pitch, manhandling him and spitting fury at the back of his head.

Then when the game was over some poor unfortunate kid happened to be walking by as we headed towards the dressing rooms. He was carrying a disposable camera.

“Disgrace. Disgrace. F****** disgrace,” I shouted towards the frightened ten-year-old – arms flailing wildly from one side to another.

Thankfully I was dragged away by some teammates. But the damage had already been done. And now I have to issue an apology to Dunshauglin Community School, albeit one that is unlikely to help me escape a ban.

So the next time Drogba makes a complete dipweasel of himself and the commentator gets all high and mighty, remember – impressionable wannabe football superstars see, impressionable wannabe football superstars do.